Sudden Thought

I know that one day, my decision will make sense. I will surely thank myself for leaving LS. And when the time comes that I'm ready to go back, there will be no turning back anymore since within me I know how it feels to lose something you know you want in the first place. But for now, i will focus in everything that i have in my plate. I am grateful that i have this new chance to explore new things. FOCUS + DETERMINATION + GOALS... bring it on dear self!


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20 Facts About Me

I joined the bandwagon! :)) 1 day ko inisip to! 

1.     I love the green tea and peppermint flavors! I also love spicy food!  

2.     Pasta and chicken combo lover… 6ever!

3.     I love drinking water! I love drinking fountains! (I miss the drinking fountain at UST TYK. My ever favorite!)

4.     Coffee makes me happy.  I can’t live without coffee it will make me cranky and bitchy if I don’t have a dose of coffee in my system.

5.     I can recognize faces easily but I have a hard time recalling names.

6.     I love poetry.

7.     My curiosity can/will kill me. HAHA

8.     FRIENDS, Big Bang Theory and Pretty Little Liars addict.

9.     I love my PAMANGKINS! They will always be the cutest kids in my eyes! <3

10. Certified home buddy. I can stay at home for months as long as I have the ff: Internet, books and TV.

11. I easily fall in love but I can also easily fall out of love.

12. I’m afraid of dogs, cats or any animal with fur! (but I’m against animal cruelty)

13.  Movie houses make me sleepy. So if the movie does not appeal to me, I usually sleep and wake up when the movie is about end! Haha

14. I can’t sleep during road trips but plane trips actually doze me to sleep.  Boat trips make me dizzy!

15.  I want to become a detective. I usually stalk people! Haha

16.  My NO means a real NO and my YES means a real YES.  I usually don’t accept favors when I don’t want to do it.

17.  I smell my hair all the time!

18. I don’t like food places without proper exhaust fan!  

19. Isopropyl alcohol is my blood life.

20.  Entering the monastery actually crosses my mind from time to time and the only congregation that I like is the St. Paul of Chartes. LOL

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Doubts

My mind goes a little louder since last week. I know, patience is a virtue but the wait is killing me; it makes me exhausted and frustrated at the same time. Plus, it makes me question my decision of leaving LS. I keep on asking myself, "Would i be in a better position NOW if i continued my studies?" last month, i knew i did the right thing BUT now, it keeps on pushing me to tell myself that I have made a very bad decision once again. How can i even go back to school if they have finished taking the first half? how can i go back if i already wasted almost two month doing nothing but for self-pleasure? it kills me not knowing what to do and how to remedy the situation. All i know is that one day everything will be alright and everything will fall back to their right places. Patience is a virtue Mayyeng and i need to erase all the doubts my situation has been giving. God will provide. God will make a way for me to get back on track.

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(did not proofread this post)

because i said i would

I WILL TOP THAT EXAM! 

I CAN DO THIS!

Let it go

My very logical realisation.  Posting this to remind me that there is no turning back now. Let it go yeah gurl. 

P.S. Thank you Kuya Mark for listening to my rants! HAHA!

Ending My Misery

Every day I dread for your actions but it kills me every time I see your name appears.
It is as if it reminds me of how stupid I can be,
For feeling so intense for a person whom I just met.
I want to concentrate in achieving my goals.
But how can I do that if you destroy my mood?
I will be selfish for now.
I will tell what I feel and think is best for me.
I just really want to end my misery.

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Amends

"Because I want to be found. And I hope it will be you----who finds me." Lang Leav

My exact feelings! HAHA! Lang Leav never fails to capture what I feel.

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Book Challenge: Challenge Accepted!

Three friends challenged me on Facebook regarding 10 books that stayed with me in one way or another. The challenge says:

In your status, list 10 books that have stayed with you in some way. Don't take more than few minutes and do not think too hard. They do not have to be "right" books or great works of literature, just ones that have affected you in some way. Tag 10 friends including me.

So here's my top 10 list plus, i included quotes that I remember! 

1.    The Diary of a Young Girl- Anne Frank

“But feelings can't be ignored, no matter how unjust or ungrateful they seem”

“No one has ever become poor by giving.”

2.    Tuesdays with Morrie- Mitch Albom

“The truth is, once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.”

“Don't let go too soon, but don't hold on too long.”

3.    The Five People You Meet in Heaven-Mitch Albom

“Sacrifice is a part of life. It's supposed to be. It's not something to regret. It's something to aspire to.”

4.    The Alchemist- Paulo Coelho

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”

5.    Master of the Game- Sidney Sheldon

“I'm a woman. I have a right to change my mind.”

6.    The Little Prince- Antoine de Saint Exupery

“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye

“The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they are felt with the heart.”

7.    The Falling Leaves – Adeline Yen Mah

“You have your whole life ahead of you. Be smart. Study hard and be independent.”

8.    Para Kay B- Ricky Lee

“Mas matinding nakakaalala ang puso kaysa utak.”

9.    Percy Jackson Series- Rick Riordan

“To be perfect you have to feel perfect about yourself – avoid trying to be something you are not.” – Aphrodite, Lost Hero

10. IQ84 – Haruki Murakami

“I can bear any pain as long as it has meaning.

“Please remember: things are not what they seem.”

I actually enjoyed doing this challenge. I reminds me of the lines that changed the way i think and feel for certain things.  Reading can totally bring you to certain dimensions that you can't imagine.

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HIMYM says...

How I Met Your Mother quotable lines! Here's my favorite:

‘So really the biggest mistake would be not to make that mistake, because then you’ll go your whole life not knowing if something was a mistake or not.’

– Lily, Season 1, Episode 21

Read more HIMYM quotes: http://thoughtcatalog.com/lisa-gacki/2014/06/10-how-i-met-your-mother-quotes-we-can-all-relate-to/

Forget Me (Not)

I will start forgetting you.
No more random messages.
I will stop visiting your pages.
So, please stop liking my posts!

Desperation

I've been reading Matt's blog, he is a college batch mate and a good friend of mine. I was touched with his blog entry regarding desperation of finding the best job. Well, i'm in that stage of my life right now. It is actually hard knowing what you want but at some point you do not know how to actually get that goal.

Oh well, here's few of the touching paragraphs i read:

Desperation is good because it causes change in our hearts. It reveals what’s in our hearts. It makes us realize the things that we really value the most. It makes us realize our hearts’ true condition. Being desperate is scary for a lot of reasons and one of them is this: it makes us vulnerable. 

I know that my desire to land in a job is nothing compared to the state of desperation of other people. My desperation is nothing compared to those people in Gaza. My desperation is nothing compared to the homeless. My desperation is nothing compared to the dying.

But the goal is not to compare and compete with each other and see who is the most desperate person. 

The point is that desperation should be viewed as an opportunity to change.  

In the Bible, there are people who were desperate for something – or Someone. In fact, the Bible is filled with stories of desperate people longing for a breakthrough. The world is full of desperate people. As we read their stories, we hope to find (and relate) ourselves in them and experience the change as well.

Desperation is good but you have to be desperate for the good things.

I'm keeping my faith! I know God will make everything possible! I am limestone in the making by the way! :)

You may read Matt's blog entry by clicking this link: http://matthewsjubilado.wordpress.com/intentional-random-thinking-2/a-reminder-from-the-limestones-repost/

Scheming with my painting!

Expected output. Saw this on google!

Reality! My output! 

A closer look.
 Well, i used water color for my painting
that's why the color looked lighter.

Since I’m in my YOLO-til-I-drop stage, I decided to start painting using watercolor. YES, P-A-I-N-T-I-N-G! I’m not really that artsy artsy kind of person, I always believe that I have my own kind of creativity!  HAHA Don’t judge, okay? Huwag kayong ano! LOL

So, I’m proud to present to you my first presentable painting (leisure type of painting). It’s not my original concept; I just copied it online and look at the difference!!! Well obviously, the original painting is way better and cleaner.  But then after comparing the two (at yes, may lakas ako nang loob to compare LOL), I realized that my output was too messy and it is too obvious that I rushed in finishing it.

I’ve always been that kind of person, output oriented and I always want things to happen instantly. Most of the time, I do not understand the value of  “appreciate the moment” phrase, I’ve been swallowed by the fact that instant is better (kaya siguro I like instant coffee in sachet that brewed coffee!) While painting, I’m anticipating for the finish product, so I rushed every stroke. I did not enjoy much the journey of finishing the output.

What I learned in my first painting output is that you need PATIENCE and JUST TAKE IT SLOW, enjoy the moment and BREATHE. You will not value your hard work if you blast into things, most especially when it comes to things that are supposed to be treasured. When we rush, we forget to see what truly matters. So, enjoy the ride and seize every moment! 

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(did not proofread this post!)

I want to become a bird!

Photo not mine. This is from Featherfolio of Chris Maynard

Today, I realized that I like to become a bird. I want to fly wherever and whenever I want. I want to see the world and breathe the air of each continent in the world. I want to always feel the air in my face. I want to spread my wings and explore!

Featherfolio of Chris Maynard (http://www.featherfolio.com/)

Reminders

The note that Tasha gave me during our retreat. "PUSH MO YAN BHE~"

Since I’ve been in one of my lowest points lately, I decided to reread all the letters I received during our college retreat. As I open each letter, I have that little spark of hope and longing for the company of my closest friends. Then I saw Tasha’s note for me, it says “Mayyeng, One thing you taught me: PUSH MO LANG YAN BHE!” The note meant a lot to me because I realized that yes; I was that kind of person. A person who never gives up, a person who tries everything to succeed but suddenly, after a month of self-struggle I just gave up on a dream that I know I want. I wasted too much of money (that I do not own, thank you dear parents), time and effort.

Some of the letters even mentioned that they admire me because of my achievements and how I handle myself in times of pressure BUT everything changed in just a month of stay in LS. The note from Tasha actually slapped me a hundred times. It is as if a wake up call telling me to stop being so stubborn and to start finding my true self once again. Within me, I know I am not a quitter! I don’t give up due to petty things. I fight and I fight hard.

This downfall decisions and emotions MUST not eat me. I need to fight harder. I swear the next step I will partake will be the best for me. I will give my best to my future employer and I will make my boss proud every single day. And when the right time comes, I will surely go back to LS and I will be the best student ever. So LS wait for me, I will be back!

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