Desperation

I've been reading Matt's blog, he is a college batch mate and a good friend of mine. I was touched with his blog entry regarding desperation of finding the best job. Well, i'm in that stage of my life right now. It is actually hard knowing what you want but at some point you do not know how to actually get that goal.

Oh well, here's few of the touching paragraphs i read:

Desperation is good because it causes change in our hearts. It reveals what’s in our hearts. It makes us realize the things that we really value the most. It makes us realize our hearts’ true condition. Being desperate is scary for a lot of reasons and one of them is this: it makes us vulnerable. 

I know that my desire to land in a job is nothing compared to the state of desperation of other people. My desperation is nothing compared to those people in Gaza. My desperation is nothing compared to the homeless. My desperation is nothing compared to the dying.

But the goal is not to compare and compete with each other and see who is the most desperate person. 

The point is that desperation should be viewed as an opportunity to change.  

In the Bible, there are people who were desperate for something – or Someone. In fact, the Bible is filled with stories of desperate people longing for a breakthrough. The world is full of desperate people. As we read their stories, we hope to find (and relate) ourselves in them and experience the change as well.

Desperation is good but you have to be desperate for the good things.

I'm keeping my faith! I know God will make everything possible! I am limestone in the making by the way! :)

You may read Matt's blog entry by clicking this link: http://matthewsjubilado.wordpress.com/intentional-random-thinking-2/a-reminder-from-the-limestones-repost/

Scheming with my painting!

Expected output. Saw this on google!

Reality! My output! 

A closer look.
 Well, i used water color for my painting
that's why the color looked lighter.

Since I’m in my YOLO-til-I-drop stage, I decided to start painting using watercolor. YES, P-A-I-N-T-I-N-G! I’m not really that artsy artsy kind of person, I always believe that I have my own kind of creativity!  HAHA Don’t judge, okay? Huwag kayong ano! LOL

So, I’m proud to present to you my first presentable painting (leisure type of painting). It’s not my original concept; I just copied it online and look at the difference!!! Well obviously, the original painting is way better and cleaner.  But then after comparing the two (at yes, may lakas ako nang loob to compare LOL), I realized that my output was too messy and it is too obvious that I rushed in finishing it.

I’ve always been that kind of person, output oriented and I always want things to happen instantly. Most of the time, I do not understand the value of  “appreciate the moment” phrase, I’ve been swallowed by the fact that instant is better (kaya siguro I like instant coffee in sachet that brewed coffee!) While painting, I’m anticipating for the finish product, so I rushed every stroke. I did not enjoy much the journey of finishing the output.

What I learned in my first painting output is that you need PATIENCE and JUST TAKE IT SLOW, enjoy the moment and BREATHE. You will not value your hard work if you blast into things, most especially when it comes to things that are supposed to be treasured. When we rush, we forget to see what truly matters. So, enjoy the ride and seize every moment! 

x

(did not proofread this post!)

I want to become a bird!

Photo not mine. This is from Featherfolio of Chris Maynard

Today, I realized that I like to become a bird. I want to fly wherever and whenever I want. I want to see the world and breathe the air of each continent in the world. I want to always feel the air in my face. I want to spread my wings and explore!

Featherfolio of Chris Maynard (http://www.featherfolio.com/)

Reminders

The note that Tasha gave me during our retreat. "PUSH MO YAN BHE~"

Since I’ve been in one of my lowest points lately, I decided to reread all the letters I received during our college retreat. As I open each letter, I have that little spark of hope and longing for the company of my closest friends. Then I saw Tasha’s note for me, it says “Mayyeng, One thing you taught me: PUSH MO LANG YAN BHE!” The note meant a lot to me because I realized that yes; I was that kind of person. A person who never gives up, a person who tries everything to succeed but suddenly, after a month of self-struggle I just gave up on a dream that I know I want. I wasted too much of money (that I do not own, thank you dear parents), time and effort.

Some of the letters even mentioned that they admire me because of my achievements and how I handle myself in times of pressure BUT everything changed in just a month of stay in LS. The note from Tasha actually slapped me a hundred times. It is as if a wake up call telling me to stop being so stubborn and to start finding my true self once again. Within me, I know I am not a quitter! I don’t give up due to petty things. I fight and I fight hard.

This downfall decisions and emotions MUST not eat me. I need to fight harder. I swear the next step I will partake will be the best for me. I will give my best to my future employer and I will make my boss proud every single day. And when the right time comes, I will surely go back to LS and I will be the best student ever. So LS wait for me, I will be back!

x

Woes of an unemployed

I will get a job before this month ends. I will receive the best job offer! I will enjoy the company where I will be working! The company is the company that i like and love! I will become an asset of the company~ I WILL BE EMPLOYED BEFORE THIS MONTH ENDS!!!

I'm trying to be positive! Within me I have these three companies that i liked and i've actually ranked them already HAHA but still no job offer. I'm hoping that I get an offer from them or else here i go exchange program! woo woo

x

Lawyered zone

In time, i will forget about our conversations. I will stop stalking your pages. I will stop yearning for your replies. I WILL EVENTUALLY FORGET ABOUT YOU.

To the person i liked a month ago. Thank you for being my comfort zone in the war zone. I will miss you for sure. Thank you for the smiles. You will be a great lawyer, for sure.  This post is for you.

Ten Reasons Why I Cry

My parents would always reprimand me every time I cry. They would always say that I should stop crying since it is “malas” and it reveals weakness BUT then I can’t help it.

  

Crying answers my, “what went wrong?” questions

Crying reassures me that I have exerted enough effort.

Crying tells me, “You have given your best!”

Crying teaches me to humble myself.

Crying gives me comfort.

Crying leads me to realizations.

Crying opens me to possibilities of improvement.

 Crying makes me feel that I can feel.

Crying reminds me that there is learning in every downfall, because,

Crying continuously reminds me that I am strong… stronger that I know.

Lately, I have been crying over a wrong decision. Yes, yes, I know, don’t cry over a spilled milk but it is so hard to admit that I have disappointed my parents and at some point myself but then I guess I am already in the process of slowly accepting the fact that life is not perfect and not everything I want will happen.

All along, I thought that LS if for me, that I am ready and this I what I want but boy I was wrong. My one-month of stay changed the way I see things, the way I handle my self and the way I interact with people. I felt that I slowly lost the strengths I gained in college, my passion to learn, and my inquisitiveness vanished. I wanted the wrong things, which I know is unscrupulous. I needed to save my self.

As I write this blog entry, I am lost. I don’t know what to do and where to go but I have to admit that I am relieved and happy. I guess, I am crying over the situation to continuously remind me of the pain, the pain that will teach me a lifelong lesson. I know that the next time I enroll again, I am prepared and more than prepared to whatever storm that may I come. I also, promise (to myself) that next time I see the portals of the main building; I will be the best student.

I hope and pray that before this month ends, I would find the path that I truly desire. Lord, tulong pls? too much crying, i crei. 

x

(did not proofread this post)

Bullets

Realizations today:

1.     Sobrang terrible magcommute! 2 hours akong nasa MRT kanina at nafeel kong pwede na akong makapagdigest ng dalawang cases dahil sa sobrang tagal kong nakaupo!

2.     Mahilig akong mang-iwan ng tao. Dahil sobrang tagal ni Maica kanina, iniwan ko siya, dapat uuwi na ako! Haha pero hinabol pa rin niya ako. Pa-chicks pls! hahaha

3.     When people start ignoring me, I ignore them in return! KAYA WHO YOU KA NGAYON SA AKIN! HAHA